amanda&evan.

I remember playing Star Wars with Evan, our imaginary light sabers whooshing through the air, slashing Storm Trooper after Storm Trooper on our way to Darth Vader, always pausing to repeat, “Help me Obi Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.”

I remember sliding down the stairs in our sleeping bag, trying to fit two-in-one so that we could go together, hoping that we wouldn’t get caught, while our screams and laughs would weave together and follow us as we bounced stair by stair.

I remember building forts out of blankets and couch cushions and crawling through them with our flashlights like we were exploring unknown caves or snuggling in to read a book or tell our secrets inside something that was us-sized.

But mostly, I remember playing with my brother hour after hour, day after day.  Whether it was climbing the trees and convincing each other to jump off or trying to defeat Bowser in a marathon of Super Mario Brothers, the two of us were in it together in a galaxy far, far away or in trouble in our own backyard.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

phonetag.

While in the
middle
of a seemingly
endless game of
phonetag and
leave your message after the beeps,
so much depends on
the faces in the frames
around my room,
reminding me of the
friendships that
shape my life and
assuring me that
the phonetag is
worth it.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

compassion.

i wonder sometimes if i have too much compassion.  can compassion get in the way of fairness, or does it insure fairness?  grading papers today, i know of at least one instance where i gave a student the benefit of the doubt (maybe my instructions just weren’t as clear to him since he was absent…?), and on others, i proudly wrote a 60 as if their little amount of apparent effort was insulting to me.  i let a student read instead of take a test today because i knew that he had been absent at a funeral in new york when we had read and discussed the play as a class.  there were others missing the test for a field trip, so shouldn’t he, who just lost his grandfather, get the chance to wait another day or two?

how is it that we try to standardize this thing called education when so many individuals are involved?  so many individuals with so many situations and outside factors?  isn’t it all relative…or is it?  am i just too nice?  too quick to be “understanding”?

i mean, what is the point of education?  to trick students into bad grades? to have a no-pity poker face or to invest in their future success?  to show them grace in hopes that they’ll show it to others?  to remind them that we are on their side and want them to be the best?

teaching is constantly walking on a tight rope.  there’s such a strange line between too personal and too impersonal.  between too understanding and not understanding enough.  between too compassionate and too cold.  which way am i going to fall?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

one day.

i felt like such a waste today.  a waste of space.  a waste of breath.  a waste of sound.

i felt so small trying to talk to a bunch of 15-year-olds who were more interested in their own conversations than mine.  like someone had stolen my voice.

this day was definitely unlike any other that i’ve experienced in the classroom.  i can’t stop thinking that some how, i’m a failure.  that maybe i can’t actually live this out.  that i can’t do it.

then, i remember what it feels like to see connection spark in a student’s eyes and to know that i helped them find it.  and i remember that everyone has bad days and that sometimes, 15-year-olds are just pains.  and i get an encouraging “…but you’re geed at it.  and you love it” from my best friend.  and i just breathe a sigh of relief because this day is almost over and a new dawn is already on its way.

it was just one day.  one class.  and there will be many more.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

the best of today.

in my desire to soak up every day, i’ve decided to start a new challenge.  every day, i’m going to write about the best of that day.  it might be short, it might be long, it might be silly, but i’m still going to do it.  i know that it’s going to be one of those things that is both annoying and rewarding.  writing is such a catharsis for me, and i’m excited about trying to constantly find the best thing in a day that i will never relive :)

in addition to doing this in my own journal, i’m going to share it with you all here.  don’t judge me yet about how the site isn’t pretty…i was trying to wait to share it with you until it was better looking, but as you can read, the words and posts are stacking up, so i though i might as well get it out there :)

hope you like it :)

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

hindsight.

it may be 20/20, but i also think it can be distracting.  it is not my ambition to live my life based on past experience.  although “living in the moment” or whatever sounds so silly and ridiculous, in my opinion, it’s the best way to live.  i like to go with NO DAY BUT TODAY as my mantra :)  not yesterday and not tomorrow, just today.

there’s another line in RENT that says, “forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”  i love that.  there is truly no point in regretting anything.  there are definitely choices that i made that i could have made differently, but dwelling on those now won’t get me anywhere.  it certainly won’t get me through today.

 

currently watching: how i met your mother.  i LOVE this show.

1 Comment

Filed under just a thought

snow day :)

although i have been anxious (and a little nervous!!) to start my student teaching in the high school, i have welcomed this unexpected vacation extension with open arms :)  i needed this chance to just get away and be somewhere calm with no agenda.  although i’ve clearly had no agenda for the last few weeks, there’s been a little drama, and it’s been so nice to escape to a warm, clean, comfortable house with my fam (roomie included) and my Buddy  & kitty :)  today has been laziness at its best.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized